How To Ensure Your Relationship Survives Your Retirement

Will your relationshiop survive retirementPlanning your retirement should cover all areas of your life.  We tend to think about our financial independence and how much we will need for a comfortable retirement.  However, little thought is put into our relationship with our partner and how it may be affected by retirement.

We are generally healthier and living longer. Retirement, especially if you have retired early can be almost another lifetime so you better make sure you are happy and enjoy life to the full.

How often do you hear of relationship breakdowns during midlife and early retirement years?  Retirement can be an exciting and a new adventure for both partners but unless you have the discussion of how you want your retirement to be, it can go horribly wrong.

Communicate

Don’t wait until you are ready to retire to discuss your retirement years with your partner.  Communication is so important in any relationship and you both need to communicate to each other what your expectations for retirement will be.

Do you still want the same things?  People change over time so you need to be sure you are both understanding of what the other person needs to be happy in their retirement.

My husband is a few years older than me and took early retirement.  Eventually, he persuaded me to retire at 55 and after working full time for most of my working life the idea was very tempting.

It wasn’t as easy as I thought and actually took me a couple of years to feel comfortable with our new life.  I was used to being busy  all the time and work defined me as a person.  I felt lost and set adrift with how to use all of this extra time.

We discussed this and eventually I realised I needed something to keep my mind active, so took on some part time work and now I’m blogging!

Accept You Will Spend More Time Together

The biggest adjustment you both have to make is spending more time together.  This sounds wonderful at first, and isn’t that what you have both been working towards?  You are now ’empty nesters’ with more freedom and less responsibility for your children.

However, if you have let your relationship lapse during the parenting years, you may find that you are living with a ‘stranger’.  Relationships need work and nurturing.  You can’t just put it on the ‘back burner’ and then expect everything to be perfect when you are ready.

[bctt tweet=”Relationships need work and nurturing”]

Keep Your Identity

Just because you are retired you don’t have to spend every waking moment together.  Make sure you keep your identity and do the things you want to do.  I am quite social, however, my husband is more comfortable sitting at his computer and having ‘alone time’.  We discussed this and are quite happy for each other to do our own thing, but we also love doing things together like travelling and exploring the world.

[bctt tweet=”Encourage each other to be happy in retirement – it isn’t a one-way street!”]

We recently purchased an apartment as our future home and are having fun decorating it together as a project.

Make Time For Each Other

You can spend 24/7 together but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is quality time.  You can just be existing in the same house.  Be spontaneous!  Make each other feel special!  Turn off the T.V.!  Remember how you fell in love and why you love each other.

Don’t let yourself go!  That goes for both of you. Take pride in how you look and keep fit and healthy so you can enjoy your retirement years together and have FUN!

[bctt tweet=”Now is the time to make time for each other and bring back some of the spark and romance into your life.”]

Set Boundaries With Your Children

If you have children and grandchildren, you need to think about how much involvement you want to have.  Do you want to assist in looking after your grandchildren while your children go back to work?

Don’t feel that you are automatically the babysitter now.  You have worked hard and now in retirement years it is your time.  Discuss with your partner how you see your involvement with your family and then discuss with your children.  I’m sure they won’t begrudge you your freedom now and probably don’t expect you to be on hand all the time.

I mind my grandson one day per week.  It is great for me because I can spend quality time with him, but we also have an understanding that if we want to travel we have that option without it affecting the family too much.

Keep Dreaming and Planning Together

Never stop making plans or having dreams together.  We love travelling and are always planning and dreaming of where we would like to visit next.

If you are in a relationship then you know IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!  Compromise is still in the vocabulary and even more so in retirement.

So sit down now, way before you retire and have the conversation then look forward to a happy and exciting phase of life!

Let’s Keep Sizzling!

 

 

 

 

 

24 thoughts on “How To Ensure Your Relationship Survives Your Retirement

  1. Kathleen

    Sue, that is a spot on post. So well stated and thought out. All your points are true and very important. Taking your advice in preparing for retirement it can be the most wonderful time of our lives.
    Thanks for bringing this quality post to Fridays Blog Booster Party #31
    Kathleen

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Hi Kathleen thank you for your comments and I’m pleased you feel we are on the same page. I really struggled more than I thought I would when I first retired but we are finding our balance now and what is good for us as a couple and individuals. Thanks for a great party as usual!

      Reply
  2. Michele

    There is a lot to think about as we plan for our retirement. We are not quite there yet, but I am beginning to see the benefits and challenges. I know we will each have to have our own pursuits and that I will need quiet time to read and write and work in my office. My husband will need activities outside. Hopefully we will have time for things we like to do together as well.

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Yes Michele there are so many things to think about before retirement. It isn’t until you reach that point that you start to think about things and by then sometimes it becomes much harder than if you were prepared. I think as long as you can still have fun together and also enjoy your individual hobbies then that is the perfect combination of a relationship. Have a lovely day and thank you for stopping by to comment.

      Reply
  3. Debbie

    Sometimes my boyfriend and I joke around about our retirement. Now that I’m home, it already feels a lot different. I did fall in the trap not caring so much for myself because I was home.
    I love your post, Sue. It’s some serious food for thought.

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Yes it is a way off for you Debbie but I’m writing from experience to make it easier for others. We all look forward to retirement but it can be a tricky adjustment at first. Thanks for stopping by and I’m so pleased you enjoyed the post.

      Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Thanks Merry I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and comment. Have a lovely week!

      Reply
  4. Michelle

    Sue, these are important tips to think about if you are heading towards retirement soon. Even if you are not, still useful information for everyone to consider so they don’t wait until the later years to take care of matters of the heart.

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Thanks Michelle. I sometimes think this is the most important factor in retirement but people are so caught up with the excitement of not following the 9-5 routine that they don’t realise it may be harder than they think. I think that planning for retirement should happen well before the actual decisionis made. Thanks for stopping by to comment and have a great week!

      Reply
  5. [email protected]

    I think keeping your own identity is really important (and allowing your husband to keep his). There’s nothing worse than feeling like you have to be the sole entertainment for each other – keeping things fresh and having outside interests is really important (as well as giving each other space). Great post Sue

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Yes it is so important Leanne to keep your own identity. We are individuals who happen to love someone and want to live with them. Having your own space makes for a happy partnership I think. Thanks for stopping by and have a lovely day!

      Reply
  6. Carol @ The Red Painted Cottage

    My husband and I have been retired for about 10 years. We were both fortunate enough to retire at an early age, but it really took some adjusting. In the beginning I discovered, according to him, that I didn’t know how to load the dishwasher (after 30+ years)…LOL! We learned early on that we need time away from each other, which is a good thing! He has his interests, I have mine and we have some of the same together. Actually, we are really enjoying these golden years…before the rusty ones start in.

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      Yes I know what you mean about the dishwasher Carol! My husband retired before me so was ‘house husband’ for a while. Obviously I never knew how to stack the dishwasher or wash the clothes! Happy to hear that you are enjoying your early retirement that is what you have worked so hard for. Thanks for stopping by. I’m off to check out your website as I love the name!

      Reply
  7. gigi

    Great post! I think it is an adjustment for both people to be retired at the same time. Just getting used to being in the same space together and alone all day, every day. I agree, its important to keep doing the things you love on your own,…or find new things.

    Reply
    1. sue Post author

      So true Gigi. I love being with my husband but we do have different personalities and interests. We enjoy time together as well as giving each other space it is working well for us. Thanks for stopping by to comment and glad you enjoyed the post.

      Reply
  8. Nikki Frank-Hamilton

    These are great tips! Although we are not retirement age we’ve had to work through some of this already. When we met and for the first 11 years of our marriage my husband worked days and I worked nights. We rarely saw each other, we made it work. Then the place I worked closed, we were all at once home together all the time! LOL It was trying, but we made it. I hope that we do as well when we retire!! If not I’ll be calling on you. xx

    Reply
    1. Sue Loncaric Post author

      Hi Cathy! Thank you for your positive comments and stopping by. I’m so pleased you enjoyed the post, have a lovely day!

      Reply
  9. [email protected]

    Hi Sue from the #OTM link up – I’ve stumbled this for you seeing I’ve already commented 🙂

    Reply
  10. Kathleen

    This is such an excellent and thoughtful post, Sue. I love your emphasis on the relationship. I remember thinking back when our kids were young that I need to learn to talk and find interest with my husband, outside of the children. It was so easy to just talk about them. That prepares for the empty nest and like you say to carry that relationship building on to prepare for retirement is such good advice. I am pinning this to my Pinterest board ‘Why Retire?’
    Blogger’s Pit Stop

    Reply
  11. [email protected]

    Just letting you know that your post is one of my feature picks for next week’s #OTM link up – I really enjoyed reading this. ~ Leanne

    Reply
    1. Sue Loncaric Post author

      Oh how lovely Leanne! We think so much alike that we could select each other every week! Thank you for selecting my post this week, much appreciated. Value your support and friendship.

      Reply

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