Why we need to be selfish – Sometimes

Me TimeI know, we have all been taught to think of others and not to be selfish. Well I think it is time for someone to say that it is okay to be selfish SOMETIMES, and that person is me!

Before you start jumping up and down and saying we need to be selfless and think of others – I totally agree!

Selfish is and sounds such a horrible word and I’m not saying we should be self centred and only think about ourselves all the time.  However, there are times when we do need to be selfish, otherwise how can we expect people to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves enough to find fulfillment in our lives.

Do you feel sometimes that you are trying to be everything to everyone and perhaps not getting anything in return?

Are you trying to help everyone else and forget to help yourself?

Do you feel guilty at the thought of being selfish and thinking of yourself first, sometimes?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above, then join the club!

I believe I am basically a person who likes to make others feel good and worry about them if they aren’t.  I think most Mothers would identify with this although this feeling isn’t just restricted mothers wanting their children to be happy and settled.  It encompasses your partner, children, family and friends. I know that I am always there for them and they know that too.

If you are a ‘giver’ then it is difficult to try to think about yourself first occasionally and what makes you happy.  I know – ‘it is easier said than done’ but you have to try, otherwise you aren’t enjoying your life and this could turn into resentment which is definitely not a good thing.

Whilst it is naturally in my nature to want to do things for everyone, I am realizing that I need to start doing things for me and not ‘sweating the small stuff’.  I’ll confess now, this is not easy for me to do after 50 odd years but habits can be changed although not easily.

My daughter, became a mother a year ago and after 9 months on maternity leave went back to fulltime work.  Of course, the guilt sets in immediately!  “I am not there for my child, I am being selfish wanting a career etc, etc.”

The irony is that for years she has been telling me to put myself first and be happy and yet she is doing exactly the opposite.  Don’t get me wrong, she loves her family more than anything, however, trying to cope with a family and a full time career leaves little room for herself.  She needs to be selfish I say, and make some ‘me time’ that I keep talking about.

Schedule being Selfish

I’m not saying that you do a complete 360 and not care about anyone but yourself.  What I am saying is you need to schedule time into your life to do what makes you feel good.  This will make you happier and also nicer to be around.  You want your family to do things that make them happy, so why not you?  Surely you can schedule 1 or 2 hours out of the total 168 hours in a week!

Learn to Say ‘No’

Learn to say noThis is so difficult but you do need to say ‘No’ occasionally and guess what?  The world won’t end!  Again, I am so guilty of not doing this but by writing this blog I’m trying to teach myself to listen to what I ‘preach’.

  • Think about what you are being asked?
  • How will it impact you?
  • Is it absolutely necessary?
  • Do you really want to do it or do you just agree to ‘keep the peace’?

If you need to say ‘No’ explain why if that helps.  More than not, I find that when I say ‘No’ the answer is ‘that’s okay, it’s no big deal’ and I have wasted time worrying about saying No!

Ask for Help

ask for helpI love entertaining my family, especially at Christmas time and other major events throughout the year.  I enjoy the preparation of the menu, table decorations and themes.  However, sometimes I get busy too and then the pressure is on to do everything and at the same standard I have set previously.  I’m learning to ask for help.  I ask everyone to bring a plate and nominate what they bring.  they are more than happy to do this and it frees up my time for other preparations.  I also get to enjoy the gathering more as I’m not frazzled by the preparation.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it and don’t feel guilty about it.  You aren’t lowering your standards and you will be pleasantly surprised at the reaction.

So what do you say?  Let’s all try to schedule some time into our lives just for us.  It will be difficult at first and we don’t want to go overboard but if you find the right balance your life will be so much better.

I run with my ‘Saturday Sisters’, get my nails and hair done and give myself the occasional facial at home.

What do you do or what will you do for ‘Me Time’?

Let’s Sizzle!

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34 thoughts on “Why we need to be selfish – Sometimes

  1. Kathleen

    Another good post Sue. I think as long as we do it all people will let us do it. Like you say, if we ask for help we will get that too and it becomes a shared project that can bring you closer.
    Fridays Blog Booster Party

    1. sue Post author

      Thank you for taking the time to comment! It is hard to put ourselves first occasionally however we need to look after ourselves or we aren’t good for anyone. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Debbie Rodrigues

    Working out are my me-times. CrossFit is an awesome group sports, but you do it on your own, and I always run alone. I need to be alone with myself to relax and think things over.

  3. Kathleen

    Hi Sue, I hope you enjoyed your recent ME time. This post was in the TOP 6 most clicked on Fridays Blog Booster Party #6. You will be given a special mention on Friday. Nice work.
    Remembering to leave from another page to help your statistics
    Fridays Blog Booster Party#6

  4. Terri Webster Schrandt

    Great words of wisdom, Sue. I went back to work as a young mother after 6 weeks (horrible family leave back then)! Talk about guilt. Then divorcing and raising too young daughters with no $$ help, definite guilt and NO Me time. It’s amazing how time flies and now that I am semi-retired I have a lot of alone time on my hands (of course I fill it up blogging). This post is really important for women to understand.

    1. sue Post author

      Oh Terri you have written my story. I’m now semi-retired and that is the reason I blog as well. We are twins! LOL:) Seriously though it is important to try and get some balance and time for yourself so you can be a better person. Thanks for your comments.

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  6. Evija

    Thank you for joining our Oh My Heartsie Girl Wordless Wednesday Link Party. I loved your post and I think you have hit the nail on the head with what you said! Have a great day, co-host Evija @Fromevijawithlove

    1. sue Post author

      Thanks Evija I’m glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the opportunity to be part of the Link Party.

  7. Carolann

    I couldn’t agree with you more! I always think of the example when you are on a plane that’s in trouble, always put your mask on first because if you don’t, you can’t help anyone else! Thanks for sharing this insightful post! Have a wonderful weekend!

    1. sue Post author

      I love this example Carolann it sums it up perfectly. Thanks for your comments and have a lovely day!

  8. Sandy Sandmeyer

    It’s so important do things for one’s self. I know that I tend to take on everyone’s issues forgetting to take time for my own. We often need to be reminded. Thanks for sharing this at #AnythingGoes.

    1. sue Post author

      Yes it is hard not to be that way it is something I have to work on. Glad you enjoyed the post!

  9. [email protected]

    I love the idea of scheduling “selfish time” where you can just take a bit of me time without feeling like you’re being awful or guilty or whatever – great post Sue x

  10. Charissa

    Did you read my mail? I definitely have a hard time getting ‘me’ time in. Sometimes, there are so many things asked of me, that I can hardly take care of my own business. I have decided that tomorrow is a ‘Me day’ by choosing to eliminate all screen time. I need a break. #debbieinshape

    1. sue Post author

      Well done you! Make sure you enjoy your Me Time and don’t feel guilty. It is hard to ‘move away from the screen’ but you will feel so much better. Thanks for commenting and enjoy your Me Time

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  12. Debbie-Dabble

    Great post!! I leaned to say NO several years ago after being the “Go To” person at our church when it came to running fund raisers. I was still working full time and doing both was killing me and taking quite a physical to;;. I am much more relaxed now and have gotten over my guilt because other people picked up where I left off and have done a wonderful job. I now make some time for ME which is important since my hubby is now retired..

    1. Sue Loncaric Post author

      It sure isn’t easy to say NO Debbie but sometimes we just can’t do it all. Good for you in stepping back a bit from all of your responsibilities you have to take care of yourself. Guilt is the killer isn’t it? If we can overcome that then life will be much easier. ME time is so important so good for you! Enjoy! x

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