Health & Wellness Wellness Wednesday

Take the stress out of your day. Why we need to say how we feel?

November 11, 2018
3 stress busters to help you Thrive through the tough times

Last Thursday, I felt strange.  I had started my day with Day 8 of the 30 Day Yoga Challenge with Adriene through YouTube.  It was a ‘Moving Meditation’ which I hadn’t actually done before. Holding poses for a little longer and trying to clear the mind and focus our thoughts within. After the 30 minute practice I felt wonderful so why an hour later was I feeling flat, frustrated and BLAH???

I did something that I rarely do – I posted how I was feeling in my Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond – Let’s Thrive Facebook Group. The post was –

‘Hi everyone! You will be happy to know I’m human –  ‘I’m struggling :(‘

As soon as I posted I felt like I had shared more than I should have.  I’m usually the one who is encouraging and motivating others but on this particular day I actually said how I was feeling without the bravado or the ‘brave face’.

I have to tell you that I love this group of wonderful women!  I was overwhelmed with the positive reaction of the group and messages of support and virtual hugs.  Members reminded me that

‘we all have those days’

and others reminded me

‘that it was good for me to share my feelings out loud and that we all need to be honest and open about our feelings’.

All responses I would have given other people who were in the same situation.  Of course, I’m much better at giving advice to others and not always taking my own advice!

What resonated with me most of all was that most of us don’t express how we are feeling if we are having a bad day.  That is not healthy is it?

Is that because we feel we are a failure?  Life isn’t always like the ‘perfect lives of others’ we see on social media  WE ALL HAVE BAD DAYS – that is part of being human!

On reflection I know that my feelings are due mainly to the stress my husband and I are feeling as we de-clutter and prepare my MIL’s home for sale.  It is overwhelming as she has literally kept everything she has ever owned plus it is an emotional time for anyone selling the family home.

It is timely that this month’s Wellness Wednesday theme is to share our Tips to manage stress.

Stress is a part of life and research suggests that some stress can be good for us.  That is the stress which psychologists refer to as ‘Eustress’ .  Stress that  we feel when we are excited and there is no threat or fear.  This type of stress helps us to feel alive. Mostly, though we experience and associate stress and anxiety with tension and feeling overwhelmed.

So how can we manage stress?

3 stress busters to help you Thrive through the tough times

3 stress busters to help you Thrive through the tough times

Be Brave – Tell it like it is and ask for support

Never underestimate the power of friendship and support. Sometimes we are experiencing tough times. We need to know that it is okay to reach out and ask for support.  Holding back and trying to cope alone isn’t always the right thing to do.  We aren’t complaining we are just asking for help.  The wonderful thing is you don’t have to cope alone – friends, family or even professionals are more than happy to support you.  You just have to ask.  Remember there is no shame or failure in asking for help.  It takes courage to admit we need help so Be brave – ask for support!

Take time out during the day

When we think of taking time out we think of a holiday or short break.  However, we can reduce our daily stress by taking time during the day to breathe and to relax.  Some people take this time to meditate, journal or pray.  Others just take some deep breaths to bring clarity.

Move

Dance, walk, run, swim, Zumba, – just Move!  Moving and keeping active is the best natural way to reduce stress.  I know that if I’m feeling anxious I go for a run or walk and feel so much better after being outside enjoying nature and moving my body.

Need more ideas? You might like to also read 5-ways-to-lower-your-stress-in-one-minute/

How do you manage your stress? Do you struggle on with a brave face or do you ask for support?

Let’s Keep Sizzling!

 

 

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60 Comments

  • Reply Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au November 11, 2018 at 17:45

    Stress is such a killer isn’t it Sue? I think we put huge expectations on ourselves these days – we expect we’ll always be happy, always do things right the first time, always have our days filled with fulfilling activities, interesting people, and enriching pastimes. I think we need to cut ourselves some slack and allow ourselves to have a little sadness, or flatness in our days – acknowledge it, grow from it and then move on. It’s when we get stuck in the doldrums that we really need to start taking action, otherwise I think we can move through them and then appreciate the good times when they come around again (because they always do). So glad you’re back on track – remember to be kind to yourself and one day the MIL’s house will be cleared and sold and you can tick that big task off your list xxxx

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 12, 2018 at 06:00

      You are so right, Leanne. The self-imposed pressure is the killer! Yesterday, I was listening to a guy on the radio and he said that he just lives his life on his terms and if people don’t like him then that is their problem. Easier said than done, I think. Life will always have it’s ups and downs it is the way we handle them that is the key and I think I’m finally learning that I just need to be me and to stop trying so hard. We are making great progress with the house so that is a load off my mind. I worry that Mike is overdoing it trying to do all the work himself but if that is what he wants so be it. Have a beautiful week,my BBB xx

      • Reply Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au November 14, 2018 at 17:38

        Hi Sue! I’m back for our #MSLTL party and I’ll be sharing this on my SM – thanks for co-hosting and I’m so glad you’re feeling more on top of things and back to your bubbly self xx

        • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:03

          Thanks Leanne, I love the core group we have and it is just the right size.

  • Reply Jennifer Jones November 11, 2018 at 21:03

    Sue I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling stressed. I really feel bad that I missed your post about it. I’ve been working full time for the last few weeks and haven’t been around much. Good to hear you found the support you need. There’s a lesson there isn’t there. Doesn’t matter how strong we are we all have our moments when we need help.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 12, 2018 at 05:57

      Hi Jen, I’m just going through a ‘down’ period at the moment because there so much going on and I don’t actually like to write about some of the personal issues because they are private. The good thing is I do bounce back and just go with the flow until I’m feeling better. I was overwhelmed with the support from my Facebook group. I’m so fortunate to have all of you in my life. I hope you aren’t overdoing it with full time work but at least the holiday season will soon be here! Enjoy your week and yes, I’ve missed you. xx

  • Reply Lori Jo November 11, 2018 at 22:07

    Hi, Sue! Thank you for sharing. Yes, we all experience this at some point in some way. You always have great advice and I know you will work through it. I seem to have regular waves of stress and anxiety now that I am well past the age 50 mark. Yoga and walking bring instant relief to me in the form of clarity and feeling calmer. As for myself, I can easily feel that I am responsible for “everything” and expect myself to be productive and prove my capabilities or else I have wasted a day in my life. I need more interaction with people and variety of environment now as well. We are purging our home to downsize and relocate closer to my best friends and more activities, which will take about a year or so. They live well north of Atlanta and we are far south at the fringe of what is considered the metro area. We have been here for almost 20 years; it is a lovely, neat and well-planned golf cart community for families raising kids in top-notch schools but it is also limited once the nest is empty.
    Thank you again, I always enjoy what you share with us! Hugs to you xoxo

    Lori Jo – 50 With Flair

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 12, 2018 at 05:54

      Lori, we are very similar in our personality I think and also the fact we are purging to move to a new location. Social connection is so important so I’m glad you are moving back to your closest friends, even though it may not be immediately. You will have something to look forward to. I’ve been doing a 30 day Yoga challenge and loving it. I also don’t know where I would be without my running which really clears my head and makes me feel alive. Have a beautiful week and thank you for the hugs, much appreciated. xx

  • Reply Kim November 11, 2018 at 23:00

    I always feel better after a nice, long walk. I do my best thinking when I make time for it. We all have our days and there’s no shame in admitting it.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 12, 2018 at 05:52

      Hi Kim, I definitely feel better after a walk or run. Even yesterday, I was working hard on my MILs house decluttering and preparing it for sale. We are putting together all the ‘rubbish’ for collection and I must have walked back and forth, up and down stairs 100 times! During that time I was so busy I had no time to think and the exercise and movement certainly made me feel better. Have a beautiful week, Kim and thanks for stopping by xx

  • Reply Donna November 12, 2018 at 08:42

    Hi, Sue – I admire you for so many things, including your honesty and your vulnerability. I agree with your list of stress busters. I would also add ‘listen to soothing or upbeat music’.
    I had a colleague who used to say ‘never let yourself get too hungry or too tired’. Very wise advice indeed.
    Sending warm thoughts your way my friend. Thinking of you!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:43

      Hi Donna, thank you for your lovely words of support and yest listening to soothing music can be a great way to ease the tension. Your colleague was very wise and yes I’ve let myself get too tired but I’m feeling much better now. xx

  • Reply Janet Mary Cobb November 12, 2018 at 08:46

    I find straightening up (declutter my personal space), cooking — literally washing and chopping is a destressor for me – no need to actually even prepare the meal, and getting some sunshine (if possible) works wonders for me.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:45

      Hi Janet, I actually find that putting a load of washing on and changing the bed helps me. It isn’t that difficult but it makes me feel that everything is fresh and clean and that lifts my spirit. Sunshine always is a good mood lifter. I love to just sit and lift my face to the sun for a few moments and enjoy it’s warmth. xx

      • Reply Janet Mary Cobb November 15, 2018 at 15:01

        Totally agree Sue! And I love to run an industrial buffer on a freshly waxed floor!

  • Reply Min @ Write of the Middle November 12, 2018 at 09:21

    I usually try and keep it to myself because I feel like people don’t want to hear any negativity only uplifting stuff. Silly really because we do all have ‘flat’ days and sharing that fact helps others to realise they’re not alone in feeling blah sometimes. I’m glad you shared your feelings that day Sue and very happy that everyone was so supportive and understanding in their reactions. I can imagine that decluttering your M-I-L’s house and preparing it for sale would be very stressful. Make sure you up the ante on your self care to compensate. xo

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:46

      It is actually a fine line, isn’t Min? Not wanting to be a “Negative Nellie” but also not holding it all in which can be worse for our health. The answer I think is to just confide when it is really bad and the other times I go for a run and that usually helps. Hope you are having a lovely week and it was great to meet you on Monday. xx

  • Reply Joanne Tracey November 12, 2018 at 11:17

    I’ve been feeling super overwhelmed of late – not in a great spot at all. I’m hugely busy but also frustrated at a lack of progress on the book marketing thing & beginning to wonder why I’m bothering – even though writing is all I’ve ever wanted to do & I think I’m pretty good at it. I had a meltdown of sorts the other day & think I’m pulling myself out of the mire. Baking helps for me. I’ve decided that it’s because I have to stop and weigh and measure and organise myself and it forces me to slow down and forces my brain to focus on one thing.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:48

      Hi Jo, that makes me feel better – not that you are feeling overwhelmed but it reinforces that this happens to all of us at some point or other. My friend used to bake when she was stressed and I think the key is finding something that will as you say ‘force the brain to focus on one thing’ and to let the overwhelming feelings take a back seat for a while. I hope you sort out the book marketing and are feeling better soon. xx

  • Reply Debbie November 12, 2018 at 16:41

    I love your honesty in sharing how you feel Sue, we rarely feel we can do it, which is completely the wrong way to deal with it!! You are so good at lifting us all up that you need to take your own advice and look after yourself 🙂 . I like your stress busters, especially walking or getting outside. This morning I had a fab walk in the forest and instead of listening to a podcast I just had upbeat funky music playing and I sang along as I walked. I had so much fun for my 45 mins or so, in my own little world and then came and got on with my day. I don’t like to talk about the downsides either but think we should get over that and tell it like it is sometimes. Take care and hope the decluttering and house stuff gets done soon. xx

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:50

      Your morning sounded such a perfect way to set up your day, Deb. I agree I try to lift up others and tend not to take enough care of myself but I’m learning to listen to my advice. That is why I’m a little late in replying to your comment. I’ve had so much on that something has to give and I know my friends will understand. Hope you are having a lovely week and thank you for your support 🙂 xx

  • Reply The Widow Badass November 12, 2018 at 22:11

    Love this, Sue! Thank you for being vulnerable. . I think this helps people who feel that only THEIR lives have ups and downs and that others have got it all together, all the time. I used to feel that way – that there was something wrong with me because no one else I knew shared their struggles. Now I know better. Keep up the great work on managing life’s stresses in a healthy way!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:51

      Hi Deb, thank you so much for your supportive words and I have had many comments saying that speaking out does help others. Social media always makes other people’s lives look so perfect but in reality they are probably going through the same up and downs as we are. Have a beautiful week and thanks for stopping by. xx

  • Reply Christina Daggett November 13, 2018 at 00:51

    Great post Sue! I do think that it’s so important to share our feelings with someone who is supportive, and who cares for us. My husband and I are that for each other. Neither of us grew up in a household that was loving or supportive. It took awhile but we’ve really learned to express how we feel to each other. It’s made us both stronger, and better partners. No, not every day is great, but it sure helps to have someone to share your feelings with.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:53

      That must be hard for your Christina to open up when you didn’t have that growing up. It is lovely that you and your husband are there for each other. I agree not every day can be great and I feel so much better for confiding how I was feeling. The love and support I’ve received has been amazing. xx

  • Reply Vanessa November 13, 2018 at 08:33

    I like to watch familiar and comforting tv shows when I need downtime.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:54

      Yes a good binge session of our favourite programs can certainly help. x

  • Reply Patrick Weseman November 14, 2018 at 11:34

    So very true. I don’t like keeping things bottled up. I am big at looking at water when I need to calm down. It helps to relax me. #MLSTL

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:55

      Hi Patrick, I love looking at the ocean and when I’m in Brisbane I run by the river which winds it’s way through the city. It does have such a calming affect.

  • Reply Miriam November 14, 2018 at 13:25

    Great post Sue. We’re so good at putting on a brave face and just getting on with things, aren’t we, but sometimes it’s necessary, and healthy, to vent and have some time out. I know I’m always better when I’m active outside. Thanks for sharing and being so honest and hope things are on the up. xx

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:57

      Thanks Miriam, although I don’t usually like to be too public about how I’m feeling. On this occasion though I’ve been overwhelmed with the love and support I have received. I’m feeling better now so that is a positive and being outside or going for a run certainly helps me. xx

      • Reply Miriam November 15, 2018 at 14:15

        It certainly does Sue. it never hurts to be outwardly vulnerable sometimes too but I’m glad you’re feeling better. xx

  • Reply Leah November 14, 2018 at 13:45

    Asking for help is scary. What if no one wants to help? What if someone laughs at my pain? What ifs are the worst. But this is a great group of women and it is so important to show that we are human and it’s okay to be human. I mean, what would we be like otherwise? Now that’s scary!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:59

      You are right Leah, our inner critic can stop of from so many things in our lives. I didn’t want to appear vulnerable but actually I realise that when you do show that side of you, people are supportive or they are encouraged because they don’t feel alone in their vulnerability. We do have a great group of women! Have a lovely week and thanks for linking up at #MLSTL. xx

  • Reply Denyse Whelan November 14, 2018 at 13:55

    Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and express that to others not only helps you but empowrers others to share how they are and to support you. I am, thanks to blogging and a supportive on-line community, much more able to share and receive help with gratitude these days. I do not know where we get the feeling of the need to be ‘super good and managing all life throws at us” but I suspect it is part of the upbringing of our generations.

    Denyse x #mlstl

    • Reply Denyse Whelan November 14, 2018 at 16:38

      And back again, to say thank you for sharing on Life This Week:

      Thank you for joining in #lifethisweek. Next week’s optional prompt is “Best Cake I Have Eaten”. P.S. I think mine will have several entries!! Denyse

      • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:02

        Hmm that’s a hard one Denyse – I look forward to your post. x

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:01

      I agree Denyse that I have been pleasantly surprised at the support out there. It is part of the ‘stiff upper lip’ isn’t it that we feel a failure if we say how we feel. xx

  • Reply Johanna Castro November 14, 2018 at 15:11

    So sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling stressed. However, I can well believe that the emotional turmoil of sorting out your MIL’s things would put you close to the edge. All those memories, and all the decisions – on top of daily life as you know it. I think we all get stressed at various stages of our lives, years, weeks, even days sometimes! It’s great having people to talk to, that you trust, and Yay for Facebook Groups too! I hope you’re being kind to yourself in the downtime moments and that you’ll soon be your happy energetic self again 🙂 #MLSTL

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:02

      Hi Jo, thanks for your lovely words and yes this week I’m starting to feel much less overwhelmed. There are lots of decisions to be made for our MIL but I suppose there are many others going through the same experience. The Facebook Groups are so supportive aren’t they?

  • Reply cherie November 14, 2018 at 19:51

    A long walk in the woods, or washing the dishes is how I de-stress. I normally carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, all alone…However, I have found that when I do ask for help, I get help, and it makes everything better much faster…wish I would always be willing to ask for help or support!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:04

      I’m like you Cherie and don’t like to ask for help but sometimes we just have to. Running or going for a walk helps me to clear my mind.

  • Reply Christine November 14, 2018 at 20:44

    I’m grateful I live a fairly stress-free live, but when I do worry about something it manifests itself as insomnia – when the brain whirls. You have some great ideas to deal with stress – being able to ask for help is so important. Trick is, sometimes we don’t even realise it ourselves. Shared.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:05

      I suppose it really is about attitude isn’t it Christine. Some of us are worriers and let things overwhelm us while other people can take it in their stride. Thanks for sharing and I hope you have a beautiful week. xx

  • Reply Jennifer November 14, 2018 at 21:16

    When I feel stress I follow my breath. It’s a technique I learned during yoga teacher training. It’s not just about breathing, it’s about feeling the coolness of the breath through my nose when I inhale and feeling it’s warmth on the exhale. It takes a little bit more of my focus in order to do that, which takes me a little bit “further” away from whatever is stressing me. As for sharing when we’re failing, I think it’s a good thing. One of the things that I’ve always struggled with in yoga was doing any type of headstand. I was in a class where the teacher, who was a rock star when it came to headstands, was teaching tripod headstand. There I was thinking I would never be able to do it and he fell out of it. Hard. It was at that moment that I realized that if this rock star of headstands could fall, then it wasn’t impossible for me to do a headstand. I did my first true headstand (no wall to support me) in that class. I think maybe you’re admitting that you go through hard times just helped someone who was thinking they could never be like you because you “always” have it together.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:08

      Hi Jennifer thank you for your wise words and I agree about the breath. I’m still learning to follow the breath during my yoga practice and sometimes I know I don’t breathe at all. I hope that I have helped someone by showing my vulnerable side and that I am human. I suppose I like to be upbeat and encourage everyone all the time but that isn’t life is it? Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day. P.S. I’m still a long way from being able to do a head stand!

  • Reply Candi Randolph November 14, 2018 at 21:32

    Admitting that I’m not doing the greatest is very hard for me, too, and I admire that you shared your frustration with the group. But you’re right, in that asking for support can do so much to help us feel better. One day at a time…one foot in front of the other…on good days and not so good days. That’s how I roll. 🙂

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:09

      Hi Candi, I’m loving the messages of support I’ve received, including yours. You are so right some days are diamonds and some days are stone. Have a great week. x

  • Reply Christie Hawkes November 14, 2018 at 23:10

    Sue, I really appreciate the fact that you were willing to share with us how you were feeling and allow us the opportunity to give back to you. You know how good you feel when you lift one of us up? That’s how we feel being able to support you. So thank you for that. Regarding stress, I agree with all of your suggestions. Talking to someone is often the most difficult one for me, but I also find it to be one of the most useful tools for relieving stress. Luckily, I have wonderful sisters that are good listeners. The other thing I suggest is to spend time in nature–if you can combine that with taking a break or physical activity, all the better. Thanks Sue. Have a lovely day. #MLSTL

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:10

      Thank you so much Christie, your words of support mean the world to me and they way you explained that by sharing how I was feeling it gave people an opportunity to give back to me was something I had never considered. Have a beautiful week,my friend. x

  • Reply Agnes Knowles November 15, 2018 at 03:36

    Sue, you are such a role model to so many and opening up and being real about struggles is another example of how good you are at it. It’s often easy to deal with the good stuff – the lessons we need are dealing with the hard stuff. I love your stress busters, and so impressed you take your own advice!! Sharing for sure!! Have a fabulous week! #mlstl

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 14:12

      Thank you so much Agnes for making me feel good about myself. I do try to be a role model and that is why I don’t always share when life is not going so well. You are right though showing others how to cope during hard times is just as valuable isn’t it? Have a lovely week and thanks for stopping by xx

  • Reply B Pradeep Nair November 15, 2018 at 16:14

    Hi Sue, Stress can really throw one off balance. The interesting part is that a lot of stress could be unnecessary in the first place. The point I liked the most was the one that we should acknowledge we have a problem, say that, reach out and seek help.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 16, 2018 at 17:21

      I agree that we can put unnecessary stress on ourselves and I’m good at doing that! Reaching out though is so important and should be encouraged. x

  • Reply Molly Stevens November 15, 2018 at 21:03

    I retired less than 2 weeks ago and have had a lot of emotional ups and downs related to this major life event. Of course, I am supposed to ‘enjoy every minute’ and rejoice in this new phase of my life. But when I wake up in the night with a feeling of panic, and feel anxiety during my waking hours, I realize it is stressful to adjust to even positive changes. Exercise, writing, lunch with a friend have helped me so far. I’m trying to find the balance between being too busy and not having enough to do or enough contact with people. Today I invited a retired friend to go to the movies with me and we are going to a matinee – just because we can! You’ve reminded me of the importance of sharing feelings, Sue. So many present only the positive sides of their lives on social media, Sue. I believe this practice suppresses being ‘real’ with each other. So glad you showed your true self – and what a stress it is to clean out a family home – particularly with so much ‘stuff’ to deal with. Hugs! #MLSTL

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 16, 2018 at 17:33

      Hi Molly, I really struggled when I retired early. The first couple of months were okay because we travelled and it was a novelty. However, a few months in I really felt lost. If I had my time again, I would have planned and come to terms with the next phase of life so it wasn’t such a culture shock. You are right about social media always showing the ‘perfect’ side of life. I think there is a fine line between being negative all the time and feeling overwhelmed. Reaching out really helped me and I was so grateful for the support I received. I’m sure you will find your feet in life after work and sounds like you have made a good start. Enjoy! xx

  • Reply Natalie November 17, 2018 at 00:15

    Hi Sue – I agree with your three stress busters. Decluttering is stressful so I hope you take time out and be extra kind to yourself. Taking a warm bath before bed helps, too. Sending warm thoughts your way!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 22, 2018 at 07:24

      Hi Natalie, my husband and I have been so overwhelmed with the decluttering and preparing the home for sale. My MIL has kept everything she has ever owned I think and the more I clear out I feel that more still keeps appearing! Thank you for your lovely words of support and I hope you are having a great week! xx

  • Reply rudraprayaga December 1, 2018 at 17:51

    Wow! A flood of comments. Helpful tips,Pradeep. What I do is reading something, may be useful or rubbish. Slowly I fall asleep.

  • Reply rudraprayaga December 1, 2018 at 17:56

    Very helpful tips, Pradeep. I just read and slowly I fall asleep if I am troubled.

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