Over 50s Lifestyle

Sometimes you just need that ‘kick up the butt’

November 23, 2019
self confidence procrastination

I write regularly about being authentic, true to yourself and self belief. I’ve helped others build self-confidence so why have I been feeling less self-confident lately?

Do you have times when you are riding high, you feel great and full of confidence only to slump into a feeling where you are second guessing yourself all the time?

I had comments from readers and read articles telling us that as we age our self-confidence can sometimes take a battering. Whether it is because we fear ageing, our bodies and outer appearance are changing or we feel that we have reached our ‘used by’ date, self -confidence can always use a boost.

I’m sharing with you a recent experience of mine where my self-confidence fell to zero and how I turned that around.

I love to learn and believe that continued learning in some form, helps us to age well and live well. It has been a dream of mine to become qualified in the Fitness area with the goal of helping other Women Over 50 age well by keeping fit through functional fitness. So when I found an online course it was with great enthusiasm that I applied to study for a Certificate in Fitness. I could study in my own time and at my own pace – perfect!

How hard could it be? I had once had a successful business at the age of 15 as a Dance teacher with 200 students. I had the support of family and friends telling me I could do it. Plus it was a perfect stepping stone for me in my health and fitness journey. I have the time and the passion for fitness but I wasn’t prepared for the degree of difficulty and the overwhelming feeling that I just couldn’t achieve it.

Do you find sometimes there is a stumbling block and you just cannot get over it?

Lack of self-confidence and procrastination

That is how I’m feeling about Module 3 – my nemesis. It is the most difficult module of the course and has really battered my confidence. As someone who sets the personal achievement bar very high it has been a humbling experience to realise that perhaps I’m not as good as I thought I was. And so the level of self-confidence has dropped to an all time low. Not a place I enjoy being I can tell you.

I started procrastinating and finding hundreds of suddenly ‘urgent’ things to do to prevent me from facing my nemisis. There was the blog and my new Self-Care Sunday with Sue Series, there were social media commitments, I mean, I just had to do that Gratitude Challenge! There were my grandsons to look after, there was my health coaching in a FB group, there were the renovations in our apartment we decided had to be done before Christmas as well as looking after the cat (oh wait, we don’t have a cat) but you get my idea.

I kept putting off study because I found it difficult doing it online and having to research much of the information myself. I had a chat with the P.T. who is helping me .

My P.T. suggested I jump in and just do it. So I did but with not so glowing results. I hadn’t prepared well enough.

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.

Arthur Ashe

The ‘kick up the butt’ I needed

After a ‘test’ she provided cosntructive feedback which wasn’t glowing and not what I wanted to hear. Instead of being told I had done well, she pointed out areas that I really needed to focus on and that I had been avoiding. If I’m honest I hadn’t really put the effort in.

After about 30 minutes of telling my husband ‘I can’t do this’, he advised I either do it or give up. Well giving up is not in my nature so I had a long hard chat with myself and admitted that perhaps I wasn’t putting the effort in because I was trying to juggle to many balls in life. A harsh reality check but worthwhile.

My not so impressive report card spurred me on (after my little pity party) and although I’ve had to let my blogging go for a while and prioritise my study I’m actually achieving and doing well in my practical tests. The reality check from the P.T . was the ‘kick up the butt’ I needed.

You’ve got this!

I redid the test this week and although I was nervous I just kept reminding myself that I had put the work in with study , I was prepared and I could do this! And I did!

This has helped my self-confidence no end and I’m feeling enthusiastic and ready to finish this course knowing that I can do it!

What strategies do you use to overcome our stumbling blocks and lack of self-confidence? I would love to hear your ideas.

Ageing Well, Living Well with Sue

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30 Comments

  • Reply Candi Randolph November 23, 2019 at 04:37

    Hi Sue, sometimes we think we can do it all, we’ll pass on the first try, and everything will just fall into place. But it doesn’t always work that way, does it? Kudos to you for picking yourself up and getting it done! I had a similar experience when I failed the real estate exam in Florida the first time. Me? I don’t fail exams, so I thought. But I had not prepared well enough and it was a wake up call for me, too. The second time was a charm for me, but a learning experience for sure. You are wise to realize that there was too much on your plate and some things had to give, at least for a while, in order to accomplish the most important goal. Have a great weekend! xo

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:03

      Hi Candi, from your experience I think you would know exactly how I was feeling. We set the bar so high, don’t we and then we don’t quite make it, we feel devastated. I’m feeling so much lighter in my mind since I’ve reprioritised and realise that the blog will always be there but I need to finish this course first. Have a lovely weekend. xx

      • Reply Candi Randolph November 27, 2019 at 21:30

        Hi Sue, just popping in again from #MLSTL and will be sharing on my SM. xo

  • Reply Debbie November 23, 2019 at 04:48

    You are so good at giving us all your advice and sharing your wisdom but you are also human Sue! This is a great example of real life and how you handled it says a lot about you. I am in awe of everything you manage to do and your commitment level is set so high, it can be hard to realise we need a kick in the butt sometimes. Good on you for realising what you needed to do and getting on with it. You’re a star in my eyes!!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:04

      You are such a lovely friend, Deb and always lift my spirits. It makes me feel so good to feel appreciated and that my thoughts aren’t just ‘talking through my hat’. Hope you are enjoying this special time with Dottie and thanks for taking the time to leave me a comment. xx

      • Reply Debbie Harris November 27, 2019 at 06:18

        I’ve been thinking of you Sue and wishing you well in your coursework. I’m back for #mlstl and enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. You are doing really well. xx

  • Reply Leslie Susan Clingan November 23, 2019 at 05:42

    I agree with Deb…you are a shining star in my eyes, too. I am in awe of all that you do and do so very well. Maybe this was just an indication that you are balancing too much right now. By letting the blogging go a bit, you are succeeding on this course. Well done, friend.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:05

      Thanks, Leslie. I feel I’ve really dropped off the scene with the link ups etc but hopefully by January I will be rearing to go again. It is a matter of getting the balance right and I think I finally have. Enjoy your weekend, my friend. xx

  • Reply Donna Connolly November 23, 2019 at 06:06

    Hi, Sue – My grandmother used to say “It’s not about the bumps in the road, but how you handle those bumps and how you continue your journey.” According to my grandmother’s definition, you get an A+ in the scenario that you described! I admire you greatly.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:06

      I love your grandmother’s saying, Donna and I will remember that. Thank you for your lovely words and continued support. You are such a dear friend to me and I appreciate your comments and friendship. xx

  • Reply Jennifer Jones November 23, 2019 at 07:10

    Well done Sue for recognising what need to be done and doing it. It’s how we face life’s challenges that show our resilience. Good luck with the test of your course

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:07

      Thanks Jen, I’m sure you can identify with the study side of things from when you did your fitness certification. I will get there but sometimes you just have to clear the decks to ensure the important things get done. xx

  • Reply Linda Todd November 23, 2019 at 10:24

    Sue, more than likely I have you beat in age. Let’s just say that I’m your senior. Yes, there are times we just want to curl up and hide. That makes us human. Life is full of things to get in front of us even when we are feeling lively and well. I started blogging and a websites in latter 2009. I was in the mortgage business so you know how 2008 went.

    I contracted some but at that time I actually was not ready or thought I wanted to retire. So…I started writing. There has been a lot going on in the last 10 years, some good, some very bad.

    The end of October was 10 months since I lost my only child to cancer. So you know how the last couple of years have been for me. However, like magic, after much prayer, I have finally gotten my mind in better coordination to write more frequently and trying to make this affiliate marketing work again.

    I have taken a look here and you are doing great with your website, your encouragement, and keeping yourself fit for every how long you choose. The problem with the outside world now seems to be that once you hit 50, your brain stops working. LOL

    Of course, it doesn’t and I am like you, I will keep going until…who knows when???? I am a very determined older woman, and that is all it takes to make a difference.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:08

      Hello Linda and it is lovely to meet you. Thank you for stopping by and leaving your thoughts and support. I love your attitude to life and especially your determination. What a role model you are. xx

  • Reply Toni Pike November 23, 2019 at 10:48

    Sue – you are absolutely fantastic, gorgeous and wonderful. You’re also very fit and have achieved so many things with fitness. Just because you are or were struggling with part of a course, that should in no way detract from how you feel about yourself. You should love yourself and feel just as good about yourself even if you are not managing to achieve something super-human. Love yourself, be your own best friend and your own best supporter. Don’t criticise yourself – praise yourself. Don’t take anyone’s criticism to heart because you can’t control what other people think or say. Think to yourself, “I’m sorry you feel that way – but I have a different opinion about myself – a very good one.” You were obviously trying to do too much, but I don’t think you need a kick in the butt from anyone. Toni xx

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 13:10

      Thank you Toni you have made my day and really lifted my spirits. We can be so hard on ourselves, can’t we? I suppose you can relate to putting pressure on oneself when you are writing a book and have deadlines to reach and storylines to create. Thank you for you advice which I am definitely taking on board. Thank you again for you friendship and encouragement. xx

  • Reply Natalie November 24, 2019 at 11:22

    Hi Sue – I left a comment earlier but don’t see it so I’m repeating it. Well done, Sue, for overcoming your stumbling blocks and regaining your self-confidence. I think your strategy to talk to your husband for his advice and to focus on the test is excellent. I don’t think you need a kick in the butt from anyone, just a sounding board from someone you trust and who knows you well to help you move forward.

  • Reply Erica/Erika November 24, 2019 at 11:58

    A great title, Sue:) You make me think of a few mantras that helped me get through courses. Yes, I had/have all the same feelings of self-doubt as you do.
    If you are finding this module challenging, then likely many others feel the same way. You actually do have a lot on your plate, Sue.

    I went back to school full time when I had young children. Almost nervous breakdown scenarios during those years, although, I am glad I did it.

    The best piece of advice I received at the time: “You do whatever it takes!” Simple words, yet they still help me now when I face challenges.

    You are an amazing, inspirational role model on many levels, Sue. I know you will complete this certificate and continue to inspire and share your knowledge.xx🙂

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 24, 2019 at 12:59

      Thank you Erica. Your kind words of support mean so much to me. It must have been very challenging studying full time with young children. I like your advice about doing whatever it takes and will use that myself. Have a lovely weekend 🙂 xx

      • Reply Erica/Erika November 27, 2019 at 06:25

        Returning from #MLSTL and sharing SM. Fun to be part of this inspiring, positive link. 🙂

  • Reply Joanne Tracey November 25, 2019 at 11:25

    I find when you’re feeling overwhelmed you start with what you want to do least – and JFDI Just Flipping Do It. It’s sort of like eating the thing on your plate that you like the least first. Then it’s done. Even if it’s hard – especially if it’s hard. You’ve got this. We all know that – and so do you…

  • Reply Lydia C. Lee November 27, 2019 at 07:03

    Nice post. I submit stories and I prefer criticism rather than just the form rejection letter. You can do something with the criticism. I also think criticism often actually means they see your potential, and you’ll be great if only you just focused on x,y &z. What that really means is A, B & C are actually great, and they don’t feel the need to mention it. #MLSTL

  • Reply Min @ Write of the Middle November 27, 2019 at 10:27

    Well done for hanging in there Sue and for your success with the 2nd sitting of the test! I can relate and here’s something that is crazy – it was Module 3 that was the very hard one in the online course I did too – Diploma of Professional Photography. Everyone struggled with that one – well almost everyone. I know I did some professional procrastinating and excuse making with that one too … but got there in the end. And doesn’t it feel great to get over that mountain – such an achievement in more ways than one! xo

  • Reply Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au November 27, 2019 at 10:43

    Hi Sue – that’s the thing with being a person who wants to do things to the very best of their ability – it sets us up for a fair amount of stress if we’re working at the edge of our comfort zone. I’m so glad you perservered and didn’t throw in the towel. You’ll be so proud of yourself when you finish the Certificate and Module 3 will be a dim, dark memory! Go You!! and you should be really proud of yourself for pushing through to the end. xxx
    Here’s to another #MLSTL party partnership and I’ve shared on my SM xx

  • Reply Natalie November 27, 2019 at 11:17

    Hi Sue – Well done on your study. I’ve been having difficulty leaving comments on your blog. This is my 5th attempt. Not sure what happened. Maybe the previous ones went into spam prison? Hope this one goes through. #MLSTL

  • Reply Suzanne November 27, 2019 at 13:12

    You have done well, Sue, for giving it your best and exceeding. So, very easy to say I can’t be bothered when “things” get tough. As some folk say “when the going gets tough the tough get going”.
    One of the significant factors of ageing is the misconception of the younger members of our society in regards to what we older ones can keep achieving. I know of so many older women who keep setting and achieving goals even more so than their younger counterparts.

  • Reply Christie Hawkes November 28, 2019 at 08:24

    I really appreciate you sharing this, Sue. Sometimes we look at others (like you) and think everything must come easy to them–or if not easy, at least with a go-get-em attitude that never fails. I dare say we’ve all had times when our confidence falters. It helps to know that others have faced this same feeling and carried on. Your story is a wonderful example of the resilience that I’ve been carrying on about lately. 🙂 #MLSTL

  • Reply Denyse Whelan November 29, 2019 at 18:52

    Well-done on sharing what was, I imagine, something hard to write. I know that when our outside image does not match our inside image it is very challenging to our confidence. I have felt like this very much and still do from time to time. The thing that is different for me now though is that I tell myself my procrastinating is about me not wanting to get going and I have no excuse. I am committed (say to blogging) and I just sit down and do it.
    External study is a different kettle of fish when you have not done anything like it for a while. My husband began a counselling degree and despite his way with words, he did not do well initially because of his lack of experience with academic writing and so on. It meant more to him to continue than to stop so he knuckled down to complete half the course requirements. That was when I was diagnosed with cancer and he changed a few priorities in his life then too.
    Wishing you well as you continue too. Denyse #mlstl

  • Reply Bethany @ Happily Loco November 30, 2019 at 03:23

    Hi Sue!

    My yoga teacher is always good for a kick up the butt, when I am stuck in self-pity! I think sometimes I just need to be reminded of how far I’ve come and what I am capable of, before I can move on.

    Your training sounds really interesting. Stick with it!

    Bethan

    • Reply Sue Loncaric December 15, 2019 at 08:48

      Hi Bethany! Your yoga teacher sounds like a great motivator and that is what we need sometimes isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by and have a lovely day. x

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