Self-worth – how would you rate yours?
Do you sometimes feel that you aren’t good enough? I know I used to feel that way for many years – sometimes I still do. I’m not sure who set the bar in society, but as a teenager and well into my life, I always felt I wasn’t quite enough.
I also know that growing up it wasn’t really the ‘done thing’ to be proud of yourself and your achievements. The saying, ‘pride comes before a fall’ was often quoted. So different to today where I think we have gone too far the other way. Children are congratulated for just showing up rather than teaching them to be proud of the effort they put in.
I certainly, did not appreciate my own self-worth which looking back now, is a regret.
I am currently reading a book, The Perfect Couple by Elin Hilderbrand. One of the characters, Karen, works in a Crayon gift shop.
In the book, Karen’s daughter is marrying into a wealthy family, yet Karen is not ashamed of her life or her work. She takes pride in ‘bringing colour into children’s lives’, which I thought was a lovely way of putting a positive attitude to whatever we do.
Many of us put others’ happiness first and feel guilty if we strive for our own happiness. It took me until I was over 50 to start realising that yes, I deserved happiness too.
Your self-worth is not determined by your successes and failures
I’m currently reading a book ‘The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship’ by Diane England. One of the chapters discusses Irrational Beliefs which undermine our happiness. Self- talk that can result in strong, negative emotions.
#3 was My Worth is Determined by My Success and Failures as well as by the Traits I exhibit. England suggests that by believing this statement, we are unable to accept our human frailties.
Do you feel like you need to be accomplishing something ‘big’ to feel worthy? You keep striving for goal after goal but don’t enjoy the process. England suggests that:
it’s important that you step away from the idea that unless you’re a successful ‘human doing’, you can’t be a successful human being…. you are worthy of love and respect.
We need to recognise that we have worth because we walk this earth.
We need to ACCEPT who we are right now and EMBRACE the person we are. It doesn’t mean we will never try to change it just means coming to terms and loving the person you are today.
We all have our own wonderful qualities and I’ve written before about celebrating our uniqueness. Comparison though can be a killer to our self-worth. It is difficult not to compare our lives to others’, especially when we view their life through social media. It all looks so perfect and wonderful, doesn’t it? Yet, all may not be as it seems.
There will always be someone more beautiful, brighter, happier, or more successful than you – that is a fact of life. No one is perfect BUT
WE ALL HAVE UNIQUE QUALITIES THAT MAKE US SPECIAL – THAT MAKE US WHO WE ARE.
Why we need to value our own self-worth
Often people will see our worth but we can’t or won’t acknowledge it. If we keep putting ourselves down, criticizing ourselves or not standing up for ourselves, then we can’t blame others for treating us the same way.
We need to be proud of all that we do and not diminish the value.
3 things I’m proud of
- I am very proud that I recently, completed my second (and probably last) marathon, two weeks before my 61st birthday. After 42.2kms I ran across the finish line with pride and relief. It was tough but I finished and I’m not going to hide the fact that I was ecstatic to receive my finishers medal. That was a huge deal for me.
- I am proud of being a role model to my children and grandchildren. Teaching them to live healthy and active lives and to be kind and generous to others.
- I’m proud of my blog – no it isn’t the next big thing – but it is my voice and a reflection of the person that I am. I’m helping and encouraging other women to embrace life and rediscover themselves.
It all comes down to you and how you feel about yourself
Why not try this exercise: Write down 10 things that you like about yourself. It might not be easy but include things you are good at or goals you have achieved. Try to see what others see in you. You might surprise yourself and you will definitely feel so much better about yourself.
Recently I left this comment on my friend, Leanne from Cresting the Hill’s post Stop Apologizing and Being Small
It is sad that we feel we wasted so much of our life feeling this way but we can certainly make up for it. Another problem, is that we see ourselves so differently to the way others see us.
As you said, your husband fell in love with the beautiful, independent woman you were and you probably didn’t see those qualities in yourself. Here’s to standing up and being proud in the spotlight of Midlife, rather than apologizing and hiding the the background.
I’m finishing with the question I started with:
Self-worth – how would you rate yours?
What can you do to increase your self-worth today? Will you try the exercise I suggested?
Let’s Keep Sizzling!