Over 50 & Thriving Series Over 50s Lifestyle

Thriving on my own: Two’s company and sometimes a crowd

October 31, 2018
Thriving on my own

Do you have a partner? Many of us do and adore them, however, just because we are a partnership doesn’t mean we have to spend our time together 24/7.

My next guest in my Over 50 & Thriving Series, is the delightful Christine from Booming On who shares her thoughts on Thriving and a successful relationship by ensuring quality time together but also importantly doing what you enjoy as an individual.

I met Christine through blogging friends and I always enjoy introducing other ‘Aussie’ bloggers.  One day we hope to meet in real life, however, are content at the moment to follow each other through our blogging journey.Please be sure to connect with Christine through the links to her website at social media at the end of her post.

Christine writes:

Christine here from @BoomingOn. I’m delighted to be doing this guest post for Sue as part of her Thriving series.

Thank you so much Sue for the opportunity and for all the work you do in connecting us 50+ bloggers from around the world. Such a lovely community.

Thriving on my own: Two’s company, and sometimes a crowd

I have a little confession. I’ve been happily married, even deliriously happily married, for more than 30 years. (That’s not the secret.) But as my dearest and I spend more and more time together during the days and evenings in our (reasonably recent) retirements with more time on our hands, I’m finding I’m needing a little space. In fact, I’ve discovered that having some time just for me is allowing me to thrive.

Not that I don’t love spending time with him and doing things together (he’s rather good company), but in order to really discover myself as an individual and pursue my interests, especially now as a non-working person, I’m really relishing a bit of time and space just for me.

So, it is with the utmost of love and respect that I want to say to my most beloved:

I love you dearly, but sometimes, please just leave me alone!

Sometimes you hear women complain that their husbands are golfers and that they spend inordinate amounts of time on the golf course.

Not me! No, I encourage it. Because when he’s on the golf course, that’s my special time, when he’s out for four or five hours at a stretch and I’m completely left to my own devices to do whatever I want – write, read, ‘waste’ as much time as I want on the computer.

Whatever I want with no one to come and ask what I’m doing. Not that I’m doing anything sneaky or untoward. It’s just I don’t want to be disturbed, or actually even tell you about it.

And those days when he’s booked in to golf and I’m planning to do all the things, and then it rains and he stays home instead! Ugh! My special time gone.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m married to perhaps the most wonderful man on earth, and I love spending time with him. But as I’m getting older, I’m really valuing some ‘me’ time, when I’m not beholden to anyone else and I can do things that bring me pleasure, even if others can’t understand why. Like, blogging!

I like to be by myself when I’m on my computer, in my little cyber world, and don’t even like someone else at the desk next to me. I know I shared offices for decades, but now I don’t like sharing that much. Concentration levels are so much higher when I’m by myself. Or maybe I’m just becoming old and curmudgeonly.

Mr T and I have been together since we were teenagers, and while we share a myriad of similar interests, we also enjoy our separate interests. He golfs, I play tennis. He likes James Bond movies, I like tragic dramas. He cooks, I eat.

Most of our holidays and travel are together, but we also do our own trips. He does wine trips with the boys, I go to Thailand with the girls for massages and cocktails. I’m even having a couple of weeks in Zimbabwe next year without him. He will of course worry the whole time that I’m in peril or lost (to be honest, I have no sense or direction so the latter is highly likely, and given that’s it’s Zimbabwe, in fact, the former may also be a possibility), but I’m going to give it a go anyway.

We are a fabulous partnership but we’re also two individuals so I’m delighted we are able to pursue different interests and have different friendships and don’t always have to be tied to the hip. Good for me and good for him. I’m far from an introvert, but this little place I’m discovering now that’s just for me – I have to say, it’s an absolute blast.

What about you? Do love spending some time by yourself?

Meet Christine

Christine is a writer, traveller, baby boomer, foodie and social media junkie, celebrating life after working and all it has to offer. BoomingOn is her way of sharing that with the world and inspiring others to do the same and seek out the fabulous. She’s a Canberra fanatic and proud mum and grandma (we prefer ‘ Marsie’) to a growing tribe, and is obsessive about taking photos.

Connect with Christine

https://boomingon.wordpress.com/

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Facebook

Twitter

If you are Over 50 and would like to contribute to the Over 50 & Thriving Series, I would love to hear from you. Send me an email at sue@sizzlingtowardssixty.com.au and I can provide more details.
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44 Comments

  • Reply Janet Mary Cobb October 31, 2018 at 11:24

    Christine – I so agree about how important both me and together time is! Your post reminds me of an old joke about how a married couple celebrating their 60th anniversary were asked how they did it. The man said, “We go to dinner every Tues and Thurs. She goes on Tuesday and I go Thursday!”

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:47

      Oh I love that joke Janet and it is so true. Although we love our partners and they love us, we need to follow our own paths as well. To me a relationship is built on trust and two individuals who enjoy each other’s company but are secure in their love to spend time apart. x

    • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 09:38

      Ha ha – an oldie but a goodie. But there’s certainly a truth in it!

  • Reply Donna October 31, 2018 at 11:40

    HI, Christine and Sue – I agree that balance in relationships (as in so many things) is incredibly important. Too much of a good thing is often not as good as leaving each other wanting more!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:45

      Oh I love your last sentence Donna it is perfect! x

    • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 09:40

      Yes, maybe it’s a bit like chocolate – when you’re inundate you savour it that bit more!

  • Reply Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au October 31, 2018 at 11:46

    Christine I couldn’t agree more. It’s all about balance – if you never want to be together then you grow apart, if you can’t do anything without your husband then you become co-dependent. I work with a woman whose response to her empty nest is to be suffocatingly needy with her husband. It stifles their relationship and I can see him pushing her away as she grabs on tighter – it’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I love the time I have with my husband and I love my time alone – for me, that’s what having a healthy relationship is all about.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:44

      Christine really nailed it didn’t she Leanne? I love spending time with my husband but as we are individuals we also have different interests. It certainly keeps the relationship alive when we spend time apart and then enjoy our time together. You have expressed the perfect example of a healthy relationship. xx

    • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 09:42

      Yes, we shouldn’t forget we’re individuals as well as part of a team. That’s a bit sad about your colleague. Perhaps she’ll find some other interests to take up some of the space. Hope they work it out.

  • Reply Debbie October 31, 2018 at 20:52

    I think we can all relate to this Christine, so thanks for putting it into words! I really enjoy my alone time and b believe it’s good for both of us to have different interests. This is something not often talked about sot hanks to you and Sue, for lifting the lid so to speak .

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 1, 2018 at 08:42

      I totally agree with Christine, Deb. I love my husband to bits but we have different ideas on what we enjoy. Of course, we love to travel which is great and I find that is real quality time but it is also good to do ‘our own thing’ as well. I really enjoyed Christine’s post and just love my Over 50 & Thriving Series guests xx

      • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 09:51

        Exactly, Sue. Of course we all enjoy different things but it’s lovely to have common ground as well. Travel is one of our common points as well. Thanks so much for sharing!

        • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:00

          My pleasure, it is lovely to have you as my guest sharing your wisdom with us. xx

    • Reply Christine November 4, 2018 at 09:55

      Embrace the occasional solitude!

  • Reply Vanessa November 1, 2018 at 09:19

    I enjoy my alone time but don’t really get a lot of it!!

    • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 09:44

      When I didn’t have a lot of time, I’d use bath time as my own with a long, hot soaking bath – and lock the door!!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 04:58

      As long as you get some alone time, Vanessa – it is important for you. x

  • Reply Min @ Write of the Middle November 1, 2018 at 09:30

    I completely understand and agree Christine! I need my own space very much and even more as I have gotten older. My hubby still works so I get plenty thankfully. However, after a lengthy holiday away with him I am always more than ready for some time out just for me! LOL I think it’s important. We are all individuals and though we might share some things in common there are many interests we have that differ. #TeamLovinLife

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 04:59

      Hi Min, I agree with both you and Christine. It is great to spend time with our partners but also important to take time for ourselves. I think it helps a relationship to both have different interests.

  • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 09:47

    Yes, I think as you get older you perhaps feel it more. We both love travelling too and travel very well together. After six weeks travelling one time, we worked out the only time we’d been separated at all was when we were in the bathroom!

  • Reply Sydney Shop Girl November 1, 2018 at 10:22

    Christine, thanks for your perspective! I currently have either parenting time or me time as a solo mum but who knows, perhaps one day I’ll also have room for couple time.

    SSG xxx

    • Reply Christine November 1, 2018 at 16:00

      I did think about non-couples as I was writing that. But in the same way, having some special you time when you’ve got kids is super-important, even more so as that’s a really tough gig! Hope you do get some quality time for yourself.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:02

      Hi SSG, I agree with Christine’s comment that even if you don’t have a partner, you need to have special time for yourself, parenting is not an easy gig and there is added pressure if you are flying solo. x

  • Reply Trisha Faye November 1, 2018 at 11:14

    I totally agree! Quality time alone and apart from each other is a vital ingredient in a happy relationship. This echoes a conversation that I was having this morning with a co-worker who’s a little behind me on this journey of life, with four children still in middle grade/high school, but she’s already figured out this ‘secret’. Great post!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:04

      Hi Trisha, I think that our generation has paved the way for the next generation. We have shared our thoughts and they are taking on board what we are saying. Your co-worker is fortunate to have figured out the importance of time alone, although with four children that would be difficult to juggle Good for her for making time for herself in her busy world.

    • Reply Chris November 4, 2018 at 09:57

      Pretty busy with four kids, but even little snippets of time alone can be so valuable.

  • Reply Natalie November 2, 2018 at 01:14

    Hi Christine – Nice meeting you here. Yes, I have my alone time. Same for my husband. We respect each other’s alone time and it has worked well for us. Thanks, Sue, for introducing Christine. #teamlovinlife

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:07

      Hi Natalie, I think the key point you raise is that you both respect each other’s alone time. There is nothing worse than a partner who just doesn’t get it and makes you feel guilty about taking time out. x

    • Reply Christine November 4, 2018 at 09:58

      Hi Natalie, It would be a challenge if the other person didn’t respect this need or if they just didn’t understand. Communication is the key.

  • Reply Joanne Tracey November 2, 2018 at 05:53

    I totally get it. I adore my husband – we’ve been together nearly 30 years – but in order to clear room in my head, I need time alone. Thankfully he respects that…mostly…lol

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:08

      Well done you, 30 years together is wonderful and I agree it takes respect to achieve a great relationship. x

    • Reply Christine November 4, 2018 at 10:00

      I suspect they feel exactly the same way too.

  • Reply Deborah November 2, 2018 at 08:38

    I’ve always been single so envious of those in relationships but know I’d definitely want my ‘alone’ time. Of course now I’m 50 it’s even worse cos I’ve lived alone for so long I can’t imagine having anyone in my personal space. I’d still like a relationship though but guess, like Christine says, it’s important to have your own interests and hobbies etc….

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:12

      Hi Deb, I can understand when living alone we get used to things our way and we don’t have to compromise. However, you still need to develop interests and hobbies and social interaction. I suppose the danger is that some people get lonely and over commit to social engagements which can be tiring after a while. We all need time alone whether single or in a relationship xx

    • Reply Christine November 4, 2018 at 10:03

      Yes, I think the more you’re used to your own space/time, the more challenging it would be to share all the time. Some friends of ours recently got together and married in their 50s after both spending decades on their own, so I suspect there was a lot of adjustment as well as happiness. He used to say “She moves things!” haha

  • Reply Candi Randolph November 3, 2018 at 04:39

    Loved your post, Christine! I think the balance of time together and time apart to pursue the things you love is awesome.

    I am the same way when I working in the office…don’t really want anyone around, as it breaks up my concentration and creativity, and that can be hard to muster up sometimes!

    Thanks Sue, for another wonderful contributor.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:13

      Hi Candi, I loved Christine’s approach to the Thriving series and she has a very important message, doesn’t she? We all need our own time whether we are single or part of a couple. x

    • Reply Christine November 4, 2018 at 10:06

      Thanks, Candi! I was always an ‘extrovert’ at work (in that I enjoy/feed off working with others in a team) but working in common spaces was sometimes a challenge. Sometimes I had to find myself a quite office or corner to escape. Seems the same rule apply at work as well as in relationships.

  • Reply Miriam November 3, 2018 at 06:21

    Fabulous post Christine and I agree wholeheartedly. It’s so important to enjoy and even cultivate those separate interests that give our lives so much more meaning and dimension. Enjoy your trip to Zimbabwe next year. Sue, thanks for sharing Christine’s story.

    • Reply Christine November 4, 2018 at 10:08

      Thanks, Miriam. I’m sure I will enjoy the trip. I wonder if I’ll miss him or I’ll be too busy? I’m sure there’ll be a blog or two in that coming up.

      • Reply Miriam November 6, 2018 at 09:19

        I think it may be a bit of both. But somehow, mostly, I think you’re going to really enjoy it! Happy blogging 😊

  • Reply Leslie Clingan November 6, 2018 at 14:14

    My hubs had traveled quite a bit this year for work. I am always glad when he returns home but have learned to enjoy the time that he is gone by stretching myself to do things I might not try otherwise. In another lifetime I was a military wife which translated into a lot of time alone, being practically a single mom much of my daughters’ childhoods. We got so used to doing things ‘our’ way when their dad was gone, that his return home was always a big adjustment for everyone.

  • Reply Cathy November 19, 2018 at 08:56

    Love my husband, but “me” time is a must. So glad we have our own interests to pursue!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 22, 2018 at 07:27

      Keeping our independence and doing what we each enjoy is so important to a healthy relationship Cathy. I saw you went to Vegas with your daughters – how lovely to have that relationship with them. Have a great week! xx

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